When push comes to shove
by gracetheordinary
Summary: When ravens affections for her leader get ruined and drastic measures are taken, what will she do to get out of the suffering? Will she get help from another?


**Disclaimer, I don't own the titans. This story will be angst, romance, drama, and maybe horror. I'm sorry I couldn't fit all of that in the theme area. This story will be gruesome with extreme ideas. Please do not read if you will find this frightening or disgusting. This is just a warning.**

 **Raven pov.**

It was once said by me that emotions are useless, I can no longer stand by that statement. Emotions are some of the most important things you could ever come across. They teach you lessons about what and who you need to stay with or without. I just wish it isn't such a painful lesson.

I really wish that it was easier to get over emotions. They are important but can cause so much pain. I just wish it didn't hurt so much to watch them get together first. I just wasn't ready

 **Flashback**

"Hey guys!" Says a overly excited cyborg as he barges into the main room where Beastboy and I were. As I turn I notice a camera in his hand. He seems to be bursting from excitement so I ussume it must be important. Once I begin approaching, the doors swing open to reveal Starfire and Robin both looking slightly nervous. I questioningly raise my eyebrow as a sign of 'What's going on?'

"Titans, I have a announcement." Robin pauses to look at us all. "Me and Starfire are now official!" He says with a smile. Starfire squeaks with excitement and grabs her 'boyfriend' to kiss him. In that moment I feel my entire heart shatter into millions of pieces. The last remains smashed again when Robin holds tighter to deepen it.

 **End of flashback.**

It only took that one display of affection for every ounce of happiness I had accumulated as a titan to shatter. Robin had always been the one of my affections. From when he brought me too the team, to when he saved me singlehandedly from my father. He had always been a 'chance' a 'maybe it'll work' a way for me to hold on to something. Yet, I always knew it wouldn't be me he chose. I always knew that, the precious alien the one with a background as a princess with extreme beauty and poise, would be chosen. It would never be the half-demon, spawn of the devil, depressed girl that would be in his interest.

Still, how could I allow myself to develop feelings for a image that I knew would never work. They had only shown overflowing amounts of affection towards each other. I could never compete. All it did was push me into my old habits. My old habits of suicidal thoughts, unstable mindset, and never ending urge to get away.

I just need to leave, if only for awhile, to clear my thoughts. Which is how I ended up at the most shady and most likely illegal bar I could find. One where the ever so clean titans could never find me.

"Hey lady, what would you like?" Asks the bartender, never noticing my extreme inner turmoil.

"What's the strongest shot you have?" I ask quickly so I don't reveal any of my emotions.

"How about any of our vodka?" He answers, not paying much attention. I look to where his eyes are trained, I see a group of girls fighting over a guy who seems to be enjoying the attention. Groaning, I turn back to the bartender.

"I'll have one shot of pincer vodka. Plus a glass of water." I say after thinking back to all my nights drinking before. Each one of those was after something, generally the Titans all went out and left me at the bar. The strong alcohol becoming a regular occurrence to me.

The bartender slides the drink over to me, I quickly snatch it off the counter. As if my time as a constant drinker had never passed I breath in and take the shot. The burning in my throat so natural after time that water was no longer needed. I motion for another and quickly become intoxicated. The alcohol only bringing me further into my shattered happy memories.

It takes only minutes for me to teleport home. I know my limit, and I don't intend to go home with anyone. As I reach the hallway to my room I hear something break in the room down the hall. Robins room. I slowly levitate to the room, I phase through the door since I obviously don't have the code.

What I see shatters any ounce of feeling I could have left in me. I find Robin and Starfire on his bed making love. Neither notice my presence enter or leave the room, and neither notice my form leave the tower.

With tears streaking down my face I land on the cliff in Jump city park. Suddenly I collapse on the ground in tears.

"Why me? Why is the pain always on me?!" I scream as I edge closer to the drop.

"I never asked to be born evil! I never asked to be hated by all things good! I never wanted to become dependent on something that would never work! So why did I have to go through it all? Why did it have to be me?" I finish as I finish the final step to the edge of the cliff. My distraught body thrown motionlessly into the dark sky far above the water. I feel nothing as my body never comes in contact with the dark waves and rocks.

"What are you doing Raven?!" Screamed a voice I can not recognize. I pay no attention as I cry more staring at the waves that I had just prepared myself to hit.

"Raven why would you do that?! You were about to kill yourself! Why Raven?!" He asked frantically as my gaze never wavers from the dark and deceiving ocean.

"Why wouldn't I? I don't see the point in me being here. I have lost my purpose. There is no point in me denying that." I say calmly. I can feel his anger, confusion, and desperation coming off him in waves.

"Raven! Are you joking, you have so much reason to be here! People love you. People devote their lives to fangirling over you! Why, why Raven, would you ever do that to them, to me?" He asks as he paces behind me. At his irritation I feel my drunkenness from earlier come to my disadvantage by deciding to spill my guts to a stranger.

"Do you think I wanted to go through with this?! Did you think I enjoy going through this?! No, i didn't want this! I never wanted this pain, I never wanted this burden. It just came with me! I can't help it!" I scream through my tears. I feel him reach out to me and in response I immediately recoil.

"Raven, I'm so sorry. Whoever did this never deserved you. No one ever will." He cooes as he holds onto me tightly. My body wracked in sobs. The crying tiring my already battered and beaten body into a black-out like slumber. Before all consciousness fades I feel my body lifted from the hard ground.

 **Thank you for reading. Please review this story and give me ideas.**

 **-Grace the ordinary**


End file.
